Hi, i'm Bobbi. Well, part of me is anyway. I'm transgender, which believe it or not, doesn't tell you much. TG can mean a lot of things, from the crossdresser to the transsexual, with a lot of waypoints in between. In a nutshell, as far as gender identity is concerned, the way my brain was wired doesn't match the way my body was built. That body is male, the brain... somewhere in between, just a bit past the middle on the girlish side. I'm married, with two daughters. Yes, they all know, but to the rest of the "muggles," I'm still in a closet.
This blog will be a place for me to talk about my journey since coming to grips with my "transness," as well as other subjects that bounce around in my head. It'll be sometimes silly, sometimes serious, and I hope, occasionally thought provoking. Comments are always welcome, but mean-spirited statements will be treated in kind.
Well... time to hold my breath and hit the orange "publish" button. Wish me luck.
-B
I have tried dressing up in the past. I used Halloween as an excuse a couple of times. Even though I am 6'-4" and 320 lbs. I have always been drawn to nail polish and makeup. I could never pass, but enjoy playing. I have always envied how women can totally change their appearance with makeup. Currently, nail polish is my way of expressing my softer creative side. I am currently in a divorce. My wife used to sell Mary Kay and would sometimes do my makeup as part of our sex life. Now that other aspects of our marriage failed she has used this to try and embarrass me by telling family and friends. My openness of wearing polish was born from saying "I don't care what you say". She is not going to control me with blackmail. I am not gay and love women(enough to want to be more like them)
ReplyDeleteEmbarrassment and blackmail only work if you allow yourself to be embarrassed by it. We decide what we -do- in life, but not what things we like/love. I refuse to be made to feel embarrassed or guilty about enjoying things that come naturally to me. Sure, i may restrain myself in public because i don't want my wife to be uncomfortable, but for myself, i honestly couldn't care less.
ReplyDeleteI like a lot of feminine things. I do go into all-out femme-mode from time to time, but not really that often. For me, it's not about the clothes, though i do like wearing various articles of women's clothes and LOVE the shoes (though i haven't much selection thanks to ginormous feet.) For me, it's more about expressing both sides of my personality, about feeling comfortable in my own skin. That's hard to do, because there's no "middle gender." So whether i'm in "boy mode" or "girl mode," neither is completely me.
Hence the title of the blog. ;)
As for the gay/straight thing, my profile says straight(ish) because though i've always thought of myself as straight, never had a male sexual encounter (and since i'm married and faithful, it's not likely i'll ever have one,) i have to admit that the more i'm in my "Bobbi state of mind," the more specific types of men (*cough* neilpatrickharris *cough*) appeal to me. A dear friend of mine, when i told her that, called me "situationally straight."
Anyway, thanks for following, and be yourself. Like the lady said, we're born this way. :)
-B
I love all your words and I wish to share this small poem with you
ReplyDeleteA Myth Being in Love
I am here and I am not
I have said nothing through saying a lot
I hove learned throught the act of violance and hate,
the magic of love in preserving my fate.
I have cried in a drama show,
and always wondered where my heart will go.
As tears flow down my aging face,
I will, one day, find my place.
I hope in your heart I might be,
but if not I will flee.
On to life so far away,
you would never see me pass this way.
I will be memory, legend or myth, even a dream
Ones will find love, for love is supreme.
As jounrneys of care and heart,
where is it we venture in love we start.
For the sake of love
I'm embarrassed to have not responded for so long, flattered that you have enjoyed my words, and honored that you added your own lovely poem to my blog. Thank you so much. :)
ReplyDelete